


Please Remember

by lullabelle_moon



Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: Angst, Brain Damage, Grantaire loves him, Injury Recovery, M/M, Memory Loss, Pining Grantaire, Sad Grantaire, Sort Of Fluff, there will be smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-19
Updated: 2014-05-06
Packaged: 2018-01-05 05:09:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1089967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lullabelle_moon/pseuds/lullabelle_moon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Grantaire took a step back after the accident, but Enjolras couldn't stay away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

When it happened Grantaire was there. He saw the man lift the bat and couldn’t move. He saw Enjolras on the floor and couldn’t breathe. He rode in the ambulance holding Enjolras' blood covered hand and tried to stay calm. He sat in the waiting room for two days until they told him he was going to be okay. After that he left and didn't return. They told him to but he didn’t. They called him selfish but he ignored them. Partly because he felt he didn't belong. Combeferre and Courfeyrac are practically family, they belonged there; Grantaire belonged in the bar, or at the gym. But not the hospital.

_"We've slept together a few times it doesn’t mean we're married or that I should be there."_

_“He needs you.”_

_“He needs a doctor. Not me. I can’t help him now.”_

When Enjolras was moved to rehab he didn't visit, this time because he couldn't bear it. Couldn't bear seeing the man he loved looking so small, watching him struggle to hold a pen and forget his name halfway through writing it. He couldn't walk over to him knowing that the man would tire after a few steps. Couldn’t bear the lack of recognition in his eyes when they looked at each other. So he stayed away. He stayed away until Enjolras came home. Until he came to the cafe one day, holding tightly to Combeferre and nodding intently at what he was saying to him,

"Jehan...what's he saying to him?"

Jehan smiled at Grantaire sadly before standing up,

"He's telling him who we are."

"Oh...."

Jehan squeezed his shoulder and walked over to the men.  Grantaire drained his wine glass and slipped out quietly to sit outside in the cool evening air.

 

"Just for a minute."

"I'm okay. I'll be okay."

Grantaire looked up and sat up straight at the sight of Enjolras in the doorway. Joly followed him out and helped him sit on the bench next to Grantaire. Enjolras waved him away,

"I'm okay. Besides there's someone here."

_Someone._

Joly nodded,

"Okay. If you get cold-"

"I'll be okay, I just need some air."

Joly nodded at Grantaire and went back inside. Enjolras let out a long breath and ran a hand through his now short hair before holding his hand out to Grantaire,

"I'm Enjolras."

Grantaire felt his chest clench painfully and took Enjolras' hand,

"I know. I've known you a while. I'm Grantaire."

Enjolras turned red and pulled his hand away,

"Sorry. Sorry. My memory is...."

Grantaire put a tentative hand on his shoulder,

"It's okay. No worries."

He took his hand back and looked at the ground,

"I'm sure I didn't mean to forget you."

"Don't worry. We weren't......that close."

"Oh..."

The two men sat in silence for a moment before Grantaire looked over to him,

"Are you alright?"

Enjolras smirked,

"As alright as ever."

"Guess you hear that question a lot huh?"

Enjolras looked at him,

"Constantly."

"Sorry......are you feeling better though?"

"Yeah. I mean I get tired...and the headaches suck. But I can hold a pen now.....and....you know dress myself."

Grantaire smirked then stopped himself.

"You living with Combeferre?"

Enjolras frowned,

"Yes. Yes...but not his house."

"So you're at your house."

"Yeah."

Grantaire nodded then smiled,

"Want me to stop asking questions?"

Enjolras chuckled,

"Can I ask some?"

"Of course."

Enjolras nodded,

"Do you live near here?"

"About ten minutes."

"You a doctor too?"

"No. No no no. Artist. Well I try to be."

Enjolras nodded and looked at his hands,

"Did you see it?"

"See what?"

Enjolras tapped the side of his head and Grantaire flinched slightly.

"They won't tell me how it happened."

Grantaire looked at him, the memory of that day flooding back to him and making him feel sick.

"I don't remember what happened Enjolras."

"Oh...okay. Sorry."

"No need to apologise."

Enjolras smiled at him,

"We should talk more. I like talking to you."

"Oh.....thank you."

They fell into silence again before Grantaire cleared his throat,

"So are you gonna go to this get together at the weekend?"

Enjolras frowned,

"This...weekend...?"

"The one at Bahorel’s?"

Grantaire realised what he was saying and stopped,

"Shit. Shit sorry I forgot that you..."

"Forgot?"

"Yeah."

"I remember some things. I remember....I remember...Agh."

Enjolras put his head in his hands and groaned,

"I can't remember them."

Grantaire put a hand on his back and smiled,

"You don't have to remember with me if you don't want to. We can just talk."

Enjolras sat up and looked at him,

"Just talk?"

"Yeah. Like okay, I heard about this man who sat on the street corner with a sign asking people for their life stories, and he sat there and listened to these complete strangers for hours. It's wonderful."

Enjolras watched him talk and smiled. He began asking questions about the city, places to go, places to eat, people they'd met and Grantaire answered everything with a smile; stopping only to explain things slowly when Enjolras asked him to. The man yawned suddenly and clapped a hand to his mouth,

"Oh god sorry. Don't...that wasn't because of you."

Grantaire chuckled,

"We've talked a lot I'm not surprised you're tired."

Enjolras smiled at him before looking back at the door,

"Do you think I'll ever be normal?"

"You are normal Enjolras."

"I'm broken."

"You are not broken. You just have to catch up a bit."

Enjolras paused and studied Grantaire’s face for a moment. Grantaire leaned back slightly,

"What-what are you doing?"

Enjolras broke into a smile that made Grantaire feel weak,

"Nothing. Nothing...I'm gonna go in."

"Okay."

He jumped up and helped Enjolras to his feet,

"Thank you."

Grantaire held his arm,

"Not a problem, you steady?"

Enjolras smirked again,

"No I meant for the chat."

Grantaire blushed and rubbed his head,

"Oh. Right. No problem with that either. Any time."

"Do you mean that?"

"Of course I do."

Enjolras took a step toward the door and stopped,

"I'm sorry that we weren't close before. I regret that."

Grantaire swallowed and nodded,

"I'm here if you need anything."

"Goodnight. Grantaire."

"Goodnight Enjolras."

Enjolras smiled at him and returned to the cafe. Grantaire sat back down with a thump and sighed before putting his head in his hands and crying.

 

"Give him time. Maybe it'll come back."

"It won't come back. He's forgotten. Everything. Every kiss. Every...moment we had is gone."

Joly ran his hand through Grantaire’s hair,

"It could come back. The brain is a complicated thing."

"Do you really believe that?"

Joly sighed and reached for another cigarette.

"You never know."

"I know."

Grantaire stood up and grabbed his beer bottle,

"I've lost him."

Joly sighed and sat back in his chair. He watched Grantaire as he drained his beer and put the empty bottle on the counter before slipping out. Joly looked around in time to see Enjolras in the corner nursing an orange juice and watching the space that Grantaire had left.

 

"Just two minutes and I'll be there I just need to grab something from Jehan."

"It better be two minutes."

"Have I ever lied to you?"

Eponine put a hand on her hip and Grantaire laughed,

"Two minutes."

He rang Jehans doorbell and waited. The man opened the door and grinned,

"It's upstairs, hi Eponine, come on in."

They entered, pausing only so Eponine could check her reflection in the hall mirror.

"There are some people here but they'll be gone soon."

"And so will we."

Jehan glanced at Eponine and she shrugged,

"I've been paid. I wanna go shopping."

Jehan grinned and pushed his door open.

"Grantaire!"

Grantaire’s heart sank at the voice and he forced a smile on his face,

"Hi Enjolras. You doing alright?"

The man got up from the chair and walked over to him.

"I had rehab today."

"That's great."

"I uh...I made you something. Kind of. I....I ...fuck what's the word....Combeferre?"

"Wrote."

Enjolras nodded,

"Wrote. Wrote."

He looked back up at Grantaire,

"I wrote you something."

He handed Grantaire an envelope and smiled at him,

"Don't read it now. Just....I wrote it for you. Tried to anyway my hand wrote is not so good."

"Handwriting?"

Enjolras stamped his foot,

"Fuck. Handwriting. Sorry."

Grantaire ignored the looks from the others and wrapped his arms around Enjolras' neck,

"Thank you. I love it."

"You haven't read it yet."

"Don't care. I love it."

Enjolras smiled as they broke apart,

"Brilliant."

Grantaire laughed,

"I'll read it later."

"Later."

He clapped Grantaire’s shoulder and returned to the rest of the group. Grantaire looked at the envelope in his hands and let out a breath. He opened his satchel and shoved it in before looking back at Jehan,

"You got the paint?"

"Are you alright?"

"Mmhmm. Paint?"

Jehan handed him a bag and he stuffed it in the bag as well before saying goodbye and leaving quickly. Eponine caught up with him down the road; he was leaning against a wall with the envelope in his hands,

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to run in heels?"

Grantaire shrugged and looked at the envelope again,

"Grantaire?"

The man sniffed,

"I love him so much."

"Oh sweetheart. I know you do."

"He couldn't remember the word 'wrote'. This man destroyed a company with his words and he couldn't remember the word 'wrote'."

"It doesn't change who he is."

"He's never gonna love me again. I've lost him."

Eponine pulled him into a hug as he sobbed.

"I want him back. I want Enjolras back."

"Shh shh shh I know. I know baby."

"I just want him back."

Eponine rubbed his back as he sobbed before taking his hand and walking him home.

 

_"Dear Grantaire,_

_Forgive my writing. It's hard to read but I did it. I am writing this with help but I wanted to tell you myself. I wanted to say thank you. For being my friend and for being there. They told me you took me to hospital. Thank you for saving me. I will make it up to you. You're pretty amazing._

_I will see you soon_

_Enjolras"_

 

Grantaire read the words again for the hundredth time. He sniffed and took another gulp of whiskey. His tired eyes looked around for the bag he'd left when he walked in, he found it on the sofa and pulled it open. He grabbed the black photo frame and set it on the table; opening the back he carefully placed the letter inside before closing it and turning it around to face him. The child like writing stared at him and he smiled, he rubbed his eyes and reached for the whiskey again.

"I'm so proud of you Enjolras."

Standing slowly he took another drink and stumbled over to the sofa. His last thought was of holding Enjolras in his arms and whispering those words in his ear.

 

"Come on Enjolras just a few more."

"I can't."

"Yes you can. Come on."

Enjolras groaned and reached for another paper clip, his hand shook as tried to pick it up,

"See I can't do it."

"Try."

He tried to grip it and managed to lift it an inch from the table before his hand wobbled and he dropped it again,

"Fuck. FUCK."

"It's okay, just try again."

Enjolras pushed the cup of paperclips on to the floor and stood up,

"Why don't you fucking try it if it’s so important to you?"

He stormed off and pulled the door open to the hallway; the nurse chased him and tried to grab his arm,

"I'm not going back in there it's a goddamn waste of time."

"Enjolras come on. You were doing so well."

"I'm sick of doing well. I want to be well. I want to be normal. Normal people do not fail at picking up goddamn fucking paperclips."

The nurse folded her arms and looked at him,

"So you're giving up? Just like that? After all you're hard work. After you worked so hard to write that letter you're just gonna stop?"

"Yes."

The nurse threw up her hands,

"Fine. Go."

"Suits me."

He turned and left the centre. Getting outside he pulled his phone from his pocket and stared at it before remembering what numbers to press. He called Combeferre and sat down to wait for him.

 

"What do we do?"

"I don't know. Wait for him to calm down?"

"He's not calming down though. And he keeps asking for Grantaire. I think....I think we should tell him."

"We agreed not to."

"But..."

"But nothing. He is delicate as it is. He felt guilty last night because he couldn't remember Marius' surname. Imagine how he'd feel knowing he forgot an entire relationship."

"He'd probably feel as shit as Grantaire does."

"I hate that he's sad, but we can't put too much on Enjolras right now. Give it time."

"He wants to be around him all the time though. What if something happens?"

"Then it happens. Grantaire would never take advantage of him we have no worries there."

"Okay....yeah. Yeah you're right. You're taking him back to rehab tomorrow right?"

"Of course I am he's not quitting. I have to go I think I heard him get up."

"Alright come over later."

"Will do. Talk to you later."

Combeferre hung up and sighed as Enjolras walked into the kitchen,

"Who was that?"

"Courf. Wondering if we wanted to hang out later."

"You can, I'm not in the mood."

Combeferre nodded and watched him as he got a bottle of water from the fridge.

"Good nap?"

Enjolras shrugged,

"Keep having weird dreams."

"Memories?"

"Maybe. I don't know."

"They'll come back."

"I hope so. It's driving me.....me....."

"Mad?"

"Yeah. Mad."

Enjolras took a drink and Combeferre folded his arms,

"You wanna talk about rehab?"

"Not really."

"You wanna talk about anything?"

Enjolras fiddled with the lid of the bottle,

"I wanna talk to someone."

"Okay?"

"Can I go see Grantaire?"

"You wanna see him?"

"Yeah. Do you think he'd mind?"

"Probably not. I'll have to call him first."

"Okay."

Combeferre reached for his phone again and dialled a number. Grantaire picked up on the second ring,

"Hello?"

"Hey man. You busy?"

"Oddly no. Why?"

"You wanna come over? Enjolras wants to see you?"

"Fuck does he know?"

"No no.....nothing like that. He just wants to hang out. Can you do that?"

Grantaire was silent for a while,

"Grantaire?"

"Yeah. Yeah give me twenty minutes and I'll be over."

"Alright. See you later."

"Bye."

He hung up and smiled at Enjolras,

"You guys can hang out tonight and I'll go to Courf."

Enjolras' face lit up,

"Okay. Okay awesome. I'll go...shower."

Combeferre smiled and nodded as Enjolras left the kitchen and headed to his room.

 

Grantaire knocked on the door and waited. Combeferre opened the door looking harassed,

"Whoa....you okay?"

"We had a tantrum, come in."

Grantaire walked in and dropped his bag on the floor,

"We had a tantrum?"

Combeferre ran his hands through his hair,

"Shirt buttons. His hand wobbled and he couldn't do it. Hence, tantrum."

"Shit.....where is he?"

"In his room. Grantaire."

Grantaire looked at him,

"You know what I'm gonna say."

"I know. I won't do anything I swear."

"I know this is hard for you-"

"He's the only thing that matters. His health."

"Okay.....I have to go."

"I'll be here."

Combeferre called out goodbye and sighed when he got silence in return. He left quickly and Grantaire took a deep breath before heading to the bedroom.

"Enjolras?"

He opened the door slowly and looked in at Enjolras in the corner, his head in his hands.

"Hey buddy. You doing alright there?"

Enjolras looked up at him,

"I can't do anything."

Grantaire walked over to him and sat down,

"You can to."

"I can't even do a shirt up."

"We'll get t-shirts."

"I can't pick up paperclips."

"We'll get a stapler."

Enjolras snorted and smiled at him,

"Are you sure we weren't close? It seems we should have been."

"Maybe we can be now."

Enjolras smiled again,

"I'd like that."

Grantaire watched him for a second, his fist clenching to stop from reaching out and touching him.

"I um....I bought movies."

"You did?"

Grantaire cleared his throat,

"Yeah. Some of your favourites, I thought maybe it'd help you remember. If not then they’re still good so..."

"Thanks."

Grantaire swallowed and turned away. He let out a long breath and stood up,

"I'll go set the TV up. You have drinks in the house?"

"Uh yeah....yeah I think so."

Grantaire nodded and left Enjolras to set them up in the living room.

 

It was halfway through the second film that Enjolras spoke up,

"Grantaire can I tell you something? In confidence?"

Grantaire paused the film and looked at him,

"You can tell me anything."

Enjolras nodded,

"It's more of a question really."

"Go on."

"Did I.....I mean...okay...am I gay?"

Grantaire blinked and shifted in his seat,

"Why do you ask that?"

"Am I?"

Grantaire cleared his throat again,

"That's not really something I can answer."

"Why?"

Grantaire looked at him,

"Are you attracted to men?"

Grantaire could swear Enjolras' eyes flicked to his lips before answering,

"Some."

"That doesn't mean you're gay."

"Did I ever show any...?”

"I uh...."

"Please tell me."

Grantaire sighed,

"You came out before the accident. Not as gay though. Not strictly anyway. I believe pansexual was the term you used."

"Are you gay?"

"Sometimes."

Enjolras moved his hand from his lap and touched Grantaire’s arm,

"Maybe that made us friends."

"We weren't friends."

"I don't think that's true."

"I'm lying to you?"

"No. I don't think that."

Grantaire looked down at the hand in his arm,

"Shall....shall we finish the movie?"

Enjolras nodded and pulled his hand back,

"Sorry. Sorry....don't tell the others."

"I won't. I won't I promise."

Grantaire sat back and pressed play again. His head aching from the urge to kiss the man next to him.

 

Grantaire’s eyes flew open at the noise. He groaned and stuck his hand out of the blankets, knocking over the empty bottle of whiskey beside his makeshift bed. The doorbell rang again and he groaned before throwing the blanket back and standing up,

"ALRIGHT ALRIGHT."

He made his way over to the door and yanked it open,

"WHAT- fuck."

Enjolras was stood before him, one eyebrow raised and a smirk on his face,

"Did I wake you? I thought I left it long enough before coming over."

"It's not 7am?"

Enjolras looked around him and shook his head,

"No it's....it's about 3pm."

"Oh.....crap. I may have missed class."

Enjolras laughed and looked around,

"Can I come in?"

Grantaire looked down at himself and scratched his head,

"Yeah. Yeah come on in."

He stepped aside and Enjolras walked in.

"Sorry to just drop by I just....Combeferre is driving me mad and I wanted to see you."

"You wanted to see me?"

"Yeah. I had fun the other night."

"Oh well....cool."

Enjolras chuckled again and looked around. Grantaire felt his face grow hot and stepped back,

"Let me put some clothes on. Have a seat."

He disappeared into the bedroom and Enjolras sat on the sofa. He looked over at the half finished canvas and frowned. Standing slowly he walked over to it and stared at it. He reached out and touched the lines that made up the image before him.

"Are you alright there?"

Enjolras turned his head and looked at Grantaire,

"Yeah. Yeah....it's weird. It's like.....I remember this. But I don't know....how or where."

Grantaire swallowed and looked at the painting. He hadn't touched it since before Enjolras' accident. He had barely even looked at it.

"Grantaire why do I remember the painting?"

Grantaire felt the tears prick at his eyes and shook his head,

"I don't know."

Enjolras looked at him,

"You don't know?"

Grantaire shrugged and turned away,

"Maybe you saw it before...I don't know. The brain is a weird thing."

He put the kettle on and pulled out two mugs.

"It's funny."

"The painting?"

"No. No this. I've spent the last few weeks with Combeferre and Courfeyrac and....Joly. And all they've done is talk about what I used to do and how I used to be and they ask me 'remember this, remember that' and I just...don't. I remember them...most of them. And I remember growing up with them but the last two years are just...gone."

Grantaire fiddled with the coffee jar,

"And that's funny?"

"Hmm?"

"You said it’s funny but didn't finish."

"Being here is funny. I don't remember you but I feel more comfortable with you than with anyone else."

Grantaire felt like he'd been punched in the stomach.

"I'm glad you feel that way Enjolras."

"Why do I feel that way?"

"I don't know."

"But....why do they look at me when I say I want to see you?"

"I told you. We-"

"Weren't close....yeah I know."

Grantaire cleared his throat and finished the coffees.

"See but the thing is that it feels like we were. It feels like we were really fucking close. And....I just...ugh. Okay...”

Grantaire put the coffees on the table and sat on the sofa. Enjolras joined him and looked at the ground,

"Can I tell you something Grantaire?"

"Anything."

"I can't shake this feeling I have."

"What feeling?"

Enjolras looked at him for a moment,

"I think...I think I was seeing someone. I don't remember exactly but I keep getting flashes....memories I guess."

Grantaire stiffened; unable to let himself believe what he was hearing,

"You're remembering things? That's great! Does...does Combeferre know?"

Enjolras squirmed slightly,

"They're not exactly memories I feel happy sharing."

"Oh...like. Oh."

Grantaire frowned and looked at the floor. He turned back to Enjolras,

"Do you think mayb-?"

He was cut off as Enjolras leaned in and kissed him. Grantaire froze and Enjolras pulled away slowly,

"What are you doing?"

Enjolras swallowed,

"I remembered you last night. And....I wanted....I needed to know if it was a dream or if...."

Grantaire had a hand on the back of Enjolras' neck before he fully registered that he had moved,

"Please be honest. We were more that friends weren't we?"

Grantaire nodded.

"Why did you lie?"

"I thought I should. I'm sorry."

"Did you love me?"

"Yes."

"Did I love you?"

"I think you could have."

"I think I did. Or...I think I was falling. I am...I think I am falling."

Grantaire dropped his head and closed his eyes,

"Don't.....don't say that."

Enjolras cupped his face, dragging his thumb over his cheek,

"Grantaire..."

"I can't take advantage of you...you're...not you yet."

"Who's taking advantage? I want this. Want you."

"You're not ready."

"You said I wasn't broken."

"You're not. You're not."

"I feel safe with you Grantaire. I feel normal. I feel....like me."

Grantaire chewed on his lip,

"I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell you so much and I'm so sorry."

Grantaire pressed their foreheads together,

"God I wanted to tell you. But I couldn't. I couldn't. You understand that right?"

"I do. I do. Tell me now."

He pulled away and looked at Grantaire,

"Tell me now."

Grantaire stared at the man for a moment before taking a deep breath,

"I...."

"You...."

Grantaire blinked; sending a tear down his cheek onto Enjolras' hand,

"I want to tell you."

"Say it...."

"I....love you."

Enjolras sniffed and nodded. Grantaire felt a wave of relief wash over him and began to speak,

"I've loved you from the moment I saw you. Everything about you. Every last thing. And I fall for you again and again every single day and when it happened I thought I lost you but you were okay. You were okay but I couldn't tell you. I couldn't put that on you. You needed to get well and I couldn't love with myself if I made you feel bad for forgetting what we had. But it was amazing Enjolras. It was amazing and beautiful and I want it back so much. But I can't have it. And you're here and you're alive and that's all that matters I know that but I still love you. I still love you so much."

Enjolras smiled and brushed his thumb against Grantaire’s cheek again. Grantaire put his other hand to Enjolras' face and leaned in again,

"I am so in love with you Enjolras and I will be until the day I die, I can't change that but if you need me as a friend that is all I will be. I swear to you that I would never. Never pressure you into anything that's not what this is. I just want you in my life. My perfect boy. My beautiful boy. You are a masterpiece and I am so proud of you. So proud."

Enjolras looked at him with glassy eyes as his thumb brushed over the tear tracks on Grantaire’s cheeks,

"Grantaire....."

"I would never expect anything from you. Never. I want you well. That's all I want."

"Grantaire..."

"It's okay. It's okay I know you can't focus on something like this right now. I know you need to-"

"Grantaire!"

Grantaire closed his mouth and leant back slightly. Enjolras smiled at him and tangled his fingers in the man’s hair,

"That was one of the most beautiful. No. The most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me. I just..."

He sighed and looked down,

"I hate myself so much for not remembering you. For not remembering us."

"Oh no no no Enjolras."

Grantaire picked Enjolras' head up,

"This is exactly what I didn't want. I didn't want you to feel bad. We know each other now. We do. I think it's better in a way...the not remembering. You can't remember how annoying I am."

Enjolras chuckled and shook his head,

"But all those moments we must have had."

"Who cares? We can make new ones."

Enjolras smiled at him before leaning in,

"May I?"

Grantaire chuckled,

"You don't need to ask."

Enjolras smiled once more before pressing their lips together.

 

Grantaire laced their fingers together and smiled contentedly. Enjolras moved his head and looked up at the ceiling.

"You should paint something up there."

"I should?"

Enjolras moved again, wrapping himself around Grantaire more,

"Yeah. All over."

"Like what?"

Enjolras rolled over slightly and rested his chin on Grantaire’s chest,

"Stars."

"Stars?"

"Deep blue and then stars twinkling everywhere."

Grantaire broke into a smile and Enjolras turned pink,

"What?"

"You've said that before."

"I have?"

"Yeah."

He racked his fingers through Enjolras' hair,

"You said I should paint the sky. So when we lie together we can see the stars. We can see planets and milky ways and forever."

"I said all that?"

"You did."

Enjolras pressed a kiss to Grantaire’s chest before laughing,

"You didn't do anything about it though."

"I am incredibly lazy."

Enjolras laughed loudly; sending a tingle down Grantaire’s spine.

"I'll paint it if you help me."

Enjolras sat up and fiddled with the buttons of Grantaire’s shirt,

"I'm not much of a p....a uh....."

He scrunched his nose and groaned,

"P...fuck."

Grantaire sat up and put a hand on Enjolras' cheek,

"Enjolras?"

The man chuckled nervously,

"Can't remember the word."

"Painter?"

"Painter....sorry."

"Don't ever apologise for that alright?"

Enjolras looked down for a second,

"I won't always be stupid."

"You are not stupid. You're brilliant."

Enjolras looked at him for a moment before biting his lip,

"How did it happen?"

Grantaire went pale and cleared his throat,

"I don't think-"

"Please tell me. Please."

Grantaire dropped his hand and rubbed his face,

"Combeferre’s gonna kill me."

"Tell me Grantaire."

He sighed and looked at his hands,

"It was at a protest. It was going well. Then...someone started a fight. I don't know what it was about but....you got caught up in it. I tried to pull you away, I tried to get you out but you had to help them. You got in the crowd....someone had a bat. Or a....bar....I don't know what it was but I...heard it. I heard it, this noise that I can't stop hearing. And then screaming. And you were just lying there. Not moving. I thought......There was so much blood. Too much."

Grantaire stopped and clambered up to his feet. He rubbed his head and turned away. Enjolras swallowed thickly and stood as well. He went behind Grantaire and put his arms around him. Grantaire turned around and hugged him tightly. Enjolras tangled his fingers in Grantaire’s hair and kissed his head,

"You saved my life."

"I had to."

Enjolras pulled away and looked into his eyes,

"Thank you."

Grantaire watched him for a moment before grabbing his shirt and pulling him down for a kiss.

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Enjolras pulled back from the kiss with a happy sigh;

"I really like kissing you."

Grantaire smiled and leant back to look at him,

"It's not so bad I suppose."

Enjolras poked him in the ribs and laughed,

"Oi!"

Grantaire chuckled before pulling him down for another kiss.

"Mmm I wanna stay here forever."

Grantaire smiled against his lips and pressed a last quick kiss before pulling away,

"We can't though."

"Why not? This is your house right?"

"Yes doofus. I mean....ugh it’s complicated. You staying here is....not gonna happen."

Enjolras scratched his head,

"But....I mean we were together and now we are again so....why wouldn't I stay?"

Grantaire scratched his jaw,

"I'm just worried. About the others. What they'll say."

"Why would they say anything? Were we not popular or something?"

Grantaire smiled before climbing up from the sofa and taking a step away,

"We were. But when you....when it happened I think....they were worried that I would push it. That I would-"

Enjolras jumped up and strode over to him; holding him by his waist,

"That you would what? Be honest with me? Help me?"

"Be selfish. I would want you back so much I would....manipulate you into being with me. Me being me was the general fear I think."

"Grantaire are you in love with me?"

Grantaire stilled before burying his face in Enjolras' neck.

"Yes. You know I am."

"Would you ever trick me? Would you ever force me?"

Grantaire shook his head,

"Never. Not in a million years."

Enjolras pulled away to look at him,

"I believe you. That's all that matters."

Grantaire put a hand to Enjolras' cheek,

"Oh if only it were that simple."

"It could be."

Grantaire broke into a smile,

"I think the knock on your head made you a bit loopy."

"Bit mean."

"Oh bit mean?"

Enjolras held up his fingers,

"Just a little."

Grantaire leant in and brushed their noses together,

"I do apologise."

Enjolras smiled and kissed him again.

"So I can stay?"

Grantaire chuckled,

"Nice try buddy."

He kissed Enjolras' forehead and stepped away.

"Maybe I should call Combeferre."

Enjolras raised an eyebrow,

"Bored already? My pants are still on."

Grantaire blushed and cleared his throat,

"It's gonna stay that way mister."

Enjolras smiled and stuck his hands in his pockets.

"I love Combeferre. I love Courfeyrac. They're amazing. Have been....amazing."

"But....?"

"You make me feel normal. They...they keep pointing out my...flailing."

Grantaire smirked,

"Failings?"

Enjolras scrunched his nose,

"Fuck. Yeah. Failings. Ironically enough I screw that one up."

Grantaire put a hand on Enjolras' shoulder and squeezed it,

"It won't be forever. You'll get better. You will. And I'll be here. Whenever you need me. Not that I'll be able to help much. I'm no doctor."

Enjolras smiled at him and took his hands from his pockets to reach for Grantaire; he dropped his hand as it began to shake,

"Fucking hand. Won't stop shaking.""

Grantaire grabbed his hand and brought it to his lips,

"Beautiful hand."

"Where you always this romantic?"

"I had my moments. Even got you flowers once."

"Really?"

"Mmhmm. Sunflowers."

"Oh I love them!"

Grantaire laughed,

"Yeah I know. I even-"

They were interrupted by the phone ringing. Grantaire huffed and tapped Enjolras' nose,

"Hold that thought."

Enjolras smiled as Grantaire picked up the phone,

"Hello?"

"Don't panic."

"Courf?"

"Don't panic."

"What's wrong?"

"We've sort of lost Enjolras."

Grantaire looked over to Enjolras who had perched on the arm of the sofa.

"You've...."

"He went for a walk. And he hasn't answered his phone. We're forming a search party. Do not panic alright? We just had to-"

"He's here."

"He's....there?"

"Yeah. I assumed you knew. He's been here a couple hours."

Courfeyrac was silent for a full minute before sighing,

"Well thank fuck for that. Tell him to stay put we're coming to get him. And tell him to answer his goddamn phone."

Grantaire laughed as Courfeyrac hung up and turned to a sheepish looking Enjolras,

"They're worried huh?"

"Answer your phone."

"I didn't want them to tell me to go home. I wanted to see you."

"You're an adult Enjolras you can see who you want. But you're also recovering from a head injury. You need to tell people where you are. They worry...hell I would be worried sick if you-"

Enjolras lunged forward and kissed him again; Grantaire moaned in surprise before wrapping his arms around Enjolras' neck and kissing him back.

"I didn't mean to scare them. I'll apologise. But I don't regret coming to see you. I don't regret that."

Grantaire nodded gripped the back of Enjolras' neck,

"Still...might be an idea to keep this quiet. To keep us quiet. For now."

"I don't want to hide you."

"You're not. What you're doing is focussing on your recovery. But I'll be here. I am first and foremost your friend Enjolras. And I'll be standing by you."

Enjolras nodded,

"I understand. I do. We can still hang out though right?"

"Of course."

"And.....kiss a little?"

Grantaire chuckled and pressed their foreheads together,

"Any time you want."

Enjolras put a hand to Grantaire’s face and caressed his cheek.

"How long until we can tell them?"

"How long can you wait?"

"Hmmm 30 seconds?"

"Such a romantic."

Enjolras groaned,

"It's the only time I've felt happy...really happy. Calm. Since....the hospital....I don't wanna lose that."

"Shh shh shh you're not. You're not losing anything. I'm here. I've always been here. Even if you can't remember it right now."

"Why didn't they tell me? They knew. They knew and they watched me...."

Enjolras pulled away and ran his hands through his hair.

"Is everyone lying to me?"

Grantaire walked over to him,

"No. No one is lying to you. I wanted it kept quiet. I wanted you well before anything happened."

"You're a good man Grantaire."

Grantaire blushed again,

"I wouldn't go that far. Fool in love maybe...."

Enjolras looked at him for a moment then looked away. Grantaire felt his stomach clench and stepped back. They jumped as the doorbell rang. Grantaire bit his lip,

"Guess it’s time to go."

"I don't want to."

Grantaire swallowed and let out a long breath before opening the door. Combeferre grinned at him,

"Hi."

"I was expecting Courf."

"Yeah. I was closer so it made more sense. Hi buddy."

He looked at Enjolras who smiled at him and stuck his hands in his pockets. Grantaire stepped aside and let Combeferre inside. He took another deep breath before turning to him with a smile,

"Sorry we scared you. I assumed you knew where he was."

"I'm still here."

Combeferre looked at Enjolras and smiled,

"You okay?"

Enjolras nodded,

"Mmhmm. Fine. Grantaire looked after me. We....caught up."

Combeferre looked back at Grantaire who was staring at his shoes,

"Did you now?"

Grantaire met his eye,

"S'just talking 'Ferre."

"Don't lie to him Grantaire."

Grantaire’s eyes went wide and he glared at Enjolras. Combeferre turned back to him,

"Enjolras?"

Enjolras looked at Grantaire before standing straight and folding his arms,

"I wanna be with Grantaire. We were before and I'm an adult and I wanna be with him."

Combeferre blinked a few times before breaking into a smile,

"Okay."

"O-okay?"

"Yeah. It's your life. I'm not your dad Enjolras."

Enjolras cleared his throat and looked over to Grantaire who shrugged,

"Well....can I stay here tonight?"

"Uhhh no."

"Why not?"

"Because you have rehab in the morning and I'm sure Grantaire has plans."

"Grantaire?"

Grantaire scratched his head,

"It's been a long day....I'll see you tomorrow okay?"

Enjolras shrugged,

"Yeah. Yeah I guess."

Combeferre touched his arm,

"Maybe at the weekend. If Grantaire is alright with it?"

He looked back to Grantaire, who nodded,

"Yeah. We'll hang out properly."

Enjolras grinned,

"Promise?"

Grantaire nodded,

"Promise."

Enjolras grinned and looked at Combeferre,

"Got any painkillers? Heads banging."

"Mm I heard a sudden rush of blood might do that.....didn't think it'd be headed north though."

Enjolras headed to the door and stopped before Grantaire. He looked over to Combeferre who saluted them before turning around. Enjolras looked back at Grantaire and ran a hand up his arm,

"I had a really good time."

"Me too."

"Call me later?"

"Yes."

Grantaire stepped closer and ran his hand over Enjolras' short hair.

"Always have to make a stand don't you?"

Enjolras bit his lip,

"Sorry."

Grantaire smiled and shook his head,

"You're one in a million Enjolras."

He leaned up and kissed him again before breaking away and clearing his throat,

"Take care of him."

Combeferre bowed slightly,

"Always have always will."

Enjolras gripped Grantaire’s hand again before leaving. Combeferre followed him; stopping briefly before Grantaire,

"Be careful with him."

"I know. Thank you."

He patted Grantaire’s shoulder and left the apartment. Grantaire closed the door and leant against it; sighing heavily before walking to the kitchen to retrieve the wine from the fridge.

 

"He alright?"

"Yeah he's reading in his room."

Combeferre smirked,

"Always a good sign."

Courfeyrac flopped down on the sofa and sighed,

"How is it possible that we didn't even think to check Grantaire? Of course he was with Grantaire."

"True loves pull is strong."

"That was surprisingly romantic of you Combeferre."

Combeferre rubbed his face,

"We need to keep an eye on that."

"On Grantaire?"

Combeferre looked toward Enjolras' bedroom before turning back,

"You know I support them. I always have....it's just...I can't help but worry that the life that Grantaire is painting for them is....not entirely true."

"Like how? You think he's lying?"

"I know that Grantaire is holding back. I know he's trying but....he's been in love with that man for a long time. Longer than Enjolras and now....he has another chance."

"Another chance?"

"I fear he might....romanticise their relationship somewhat."

"Blur the fights you mean?"

"You think he wants to tell Enjolras that they fought so much he almost left? That he spent more time in a drunken stupor than in his arms? He wants the perfect relationship with the man not....of course he wants another chance."

"You think Enjolras will remember it?"

"If he does he's not gonna be happy."

"What do you think we should do?"

Combeferre shook his head,

"What we always do. Stand by him."

 

Enjolras read the page again and frowned. He dropped the book on to his lap and yawned. He stared out of the window for a moment before being interrupted by his phone. He grabbed it and answered,

"Hello?"

"Hey. Promised I'd phone you."

Enjolras smiled and climbed onto his bed,

"How are you?"

"I'm okay. What you doing?"

Enjolras leant against the wall and pulled the throw over himself,

"Reading."

"What are you reading?"

"Harry Potter."

"Ooookay.....why?"

"The uh....therapist said it would be a good place to start."

"And the real reason?"

Enjolras laughed,

"Gavroche gave it to me. Said it helped him when he broke his leg and it might help me with my broken head."

"Your heads not broken."

"It kinda is. I mean....they drilled it."

Grantaire was silent for a moment,

"They drilled it huh?"

"Yeah. They had to. Lot of blood. Pretty cool really. They had to crack it open and drain it before they could do anything else. Cool huh?"

Grantaire covered his mouth as the tears squeezed from his eyes. He let out a long breath and cleared his throat,

"Yeah sure is."

"So what are you doing?"

Grantaire took another breath and looked around himself; the three bottles of wine he'd consumed lay empty by the sofa. He'd positioned himself in front of the radiator and was nursing a fourth bottle.

"I'm just.....watching TV."

"Anything good?"

"No....no nothing good."

"Are you okay Grantaire? You sound weird."

"I'm fine. I'm just fine. I'm tired is all"

"You wanna go to bed?"

"I wanna keep talking to you. I miss your voice. I miss you so much Enjolras."

"I'm right here."

Grantaire scrunched his nose and gasped,

"No you're not."

"Grantaire?"

"I'm sorry. Sorry....had a bit too much to drink. Sorry."

"Why?"

Grantaire let out a laugh,

"That's a heavy question there."

"Don't hurt yourself okay? I need you."

"No you don't."

"I bloody do. You're the only one that seems to...understand."

"I don't understand Enjolras. I don't. I don't understand why someone would do that to you. I don't understand why life would do that to us. We were happy. You were happy. And then that man....that animal broke us."

"Broke me?"

Grantaire sniffed hard,

"I love you so much and he took you from me. He took you. I couldn’t even....I couldn’t help you. It should have been me. I have nothing to offer the world. Not like you. I might as well be dead."

"Shut up. Shut up or I swear...."

"Ugh sorry. Sorry. Shouldn't have called. Shouldn't have called. Forget it. Sorry. I'm sorry."

"Grantaire..."

"I'll talk to you tomorrow okay?"

"Grantaire no..."

"Goodnight Enjolras."

"Grantaire?"

Enjolras was answered with the dialling tone and hung up. He sat in silence before jumping from the bed and grabbing his jacket. Combeferre jumped up from the sofa as he ran in,

"Enjolras? What's wrong?"

"Something's wrong. Something....I need to get to him."

"Who? Enjolras slow down."

"Grantaire. He phoned me....I think he's been drinking. No he has. He was drinking and he was saying things...”

Combeferre gripped Enjolras' shoulders,

"Okay...okay this obviously hasn't come up yet. Grantaire will be fine. He gets like this. I'll send Joly to check on him. He's dealt with this before."

"Dealt...?"

"Grantaire drinks. A lot. Often. He's also....somewhat depressed."

"Because of me?"

"Because of the world. Not you. You're in fact the only thing that keeps him steady."

Enjolras rubbed his face,

"I need to see him. I need to protect him. He....he...I need him okay."

"You need to rest."

"FUCK REST. IF HE DIES IM FUCKED."

Combeferre gestured to Courfeyrac and pulled Enjolras down to the sofa.

"You need to calm down. Courf is calling Joly. He will go and make sure that Grantaire is okay. Grantaire will be okay. He'll sleep it off and he'll wake up tomorrow and feel like a fool. But he will be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. This has happened before. Many times."

"Why?"

Combeferre sighed,

"Grantaire is a complicated being."

"Did I help him?"

"More than you know."

Enjolras nodded and rubbed the back of his neck,

"I want to remember him."

"You will. In time."

Courfeyrac came back in and held up his phone,

"Joly is on his way. He's gonna put him to bed and hang out until morning."

Combeferre looked back at Enjolras,

"See? He's gonna be fine."

"I can't remember him. I can't remember him at all."

"You will. And even if you don't....you have him now."

"Maybe I should ring him again."

"He'll be asleep by now."

"First thing tomorrow. I wanna see him first thing."

"Okay. Okay that's fine. We will go."

Enjolras nodded,

"I’m scared."

"I will keep you updated I promise. Let’s just get you to bed okay?"

Enjolras nodded again.

"I want it back Combeferre. I want our relationship back."

"I know you do. I know. Let’s get you to bed alright?"

Enjolras stood up and took his coat off.

"I don't know if I can sleep."

"You wanna watch a movie?"

"No....no there's nothing I like."

"You wanna chat?"

"I want to see him. I want to.....help him."

"I understand that. I do. But you need to rest."

"I'm always resting. All I do is rest."

"You had a-"

"Serious head injury? Yeah I recall."

"I was going to say you had a busy few days."

"Oh....sorry."

Enjolras sat back on the sofa and sighed,

"I can't hack this anymore. This lack of knowing. The blanks in my head...I hate it. Worse than the hand. Or the pain. I hate not knowing. I was someone. I was something. I could've helped. I could've changed the world. Now I can't even write my own goddamn name."

Combeferre chewed his lip and put an arm around Enjolras' shoulder,

"You're doing so much better already though. You wrote him a letter."

"A letter won't fix him."

"He doesn't need fixing. What he needs is you. Healthy you."

"I need healthy him."

Combeferre sighed,

"Give me my phone."

Enjolras passed it to him and sat back. Combeferre scrolled through it for a few moments before passing it to him. Enjolras looked at the phone and rubbed his head at the image of him and Grantaire happy and smiling; arms wrapped around one another and laughing.

"When was this?"

"Three weeks before your accident. Give or take a bit."

"Why are you showing me?"

"Because you two belong together. You do. But you had to work really hard for it. And doing so with a head injury is not going to help."

"Can I have this? This picture? Can you make it for me?"

Combeferre smiled,

"Yeah. Of course."

Enjolras stroked the screen with a smile,

"I want this again."

Courfeyrac, who had been watching in silence, jolted as his phone went off.

"Guys?"

They looked at him,

"Joly said Grantaire is fine. He's gonna be hung over as hell but he's sleeping. He got water into him and put him to bed."

Combeferre looked at Enjolras,

"See? He's fine. Absolutely fine. Now please. Please will you get some sleep?"

Enjolras handed the phone back,

"I didn't mean to scare you earlier. I am sorry about that."

"I know buddy."

"Goodnight then."

"Goodnight Enjolras."

Enjolras stood up,

"Goodnight Courfeyrac."

"Sleep well Enjolras."

Enjolras nodded and headed back to his room. He sat on the bed and looked over to his phone. He picked it up and typed out a message,

"I'm not going away. Not again. I promise."

He put the phone down and pulled his shirt off before removing his jeans and climbing into bed.

 

Grantaire opened his eyes briefly then closed them again with a groan. He rolled onto his side and gripped the sheets. He opened his eyes again and sat up slowly. His stomach lurched suddenly and he grabbed the bowl he'd been left just in time as he vomited. The door opened suddenly and Joly walked in with a bottle of water,

"You okay?"

Grantaire gave him a thumbs up before retching again.

"Okay...shall we get you to the bathroom? Can you make it?"

Grantaire nodded and took the water bottle whilst placing the bowl back on the bedside table. He stood shakily and walked to the bathroom. As soon as he got in he dropped to his knees and vomited once again.

"That's it. Get it all out."

"Ugh I hate everything."

Grantaire spat into the toilet and reached for a towel.

"Have a drink."

Joly pressed the water back into his hand as he flushed the toilet. Grantaire took a gulp and gave him a thumbs up.

"Thanks Joly."

"Not a problem."

Grantaire sat on the floor and sighed,

"Pass me the toothpaste?"

Joly passed him what he needed and leant against the sink as Grantaire brushed his teeth and spat it in the toilet.

"How you feeling today?"

"Mmm the familiar sting of the hangover."

"Any memories of last night?"

"I remember Enjolras. I remember him coming over....we....kissed. He....left. Then wine. That's it."

Joly sighed,

"Well I got a call about 10. Enjolras was freaking out and then I found you unconscious and hugging the radiator."

Grantaire snorted then groaned,

"Headache?"

"Mmhmm."

"Good."

"Thanks."

Grantaire pulled himself up and rubbed his head,

"Enjolras was freaking out?"

"Apparently."

"Fuck."

"You hungry?"

"Yeah."

"Come on."

He walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge,

"Grantaire?"

"Yeah?"

"Why do you have no food but six-no-seven notebooks and oh what's surprise more wine in your fridge?"

Grantaire sat on a stool and grinned,

"I eat out a lot. And I like writing on cool paper. It soothes me."

"In other words you were drunk and forgot it was a fridge?"

"Ha yeah. Probably."

Joly flicked the kettle on and leant against the counter,

"So you and Enjolras huh?"

Grantaire grinned,

"Yeah. We uh....we made up."

"Made up properly? Like you're back together?"

"Hopefully."

"Well good for you!"

Grantaire grinned,

"I love him. I love him more than anything in the whole world- my phone is ringing."

He jumped down and ran to the bedroom,

"Hello?"

"You're alive."

Grantaire sat on the bed with a smile at the sound of Enjolras' voice,

"Just about. How are you?"

"Me? I'm fine. Are you?"

"I'm fine. I am. I don't remember last night though. Whatever I might have done I'm sorry."

"You called me. And you were....you freaked me the hell out."

"I'm sorry."

"Can I see you today?"

"Yes. God yes."

Enjolras chuckled,

"I have rehab until 12. Can I spend the afternoon with you?"

"Of course."

"Okay...I have to go. I’m glad you're okay. I'll see you later."

"I'll see you later. Have a good rehab...uh...trip."

"Thanks.....bye then."

"Goodbye."

Grantaire hung up the phone and fell back into the bed with a laugh.

 

Grantaire pulled the door open as soon as the knocking stopped. He grinned at Enjolras and pulled him inside. Enjolras laughed and pushed Grantaire against the wall, taking his face in his hands to kiss him. Enjolras slipped his hand down and brushed his fingers over Grantaire’s belt buckle.

"Whoa....easy boy."

Enjolras raised his hands,

"Sorry. Sorry."

Grantaire kissed him again,

"Safe to say you remember sex then..."

"Mmm"

"Sex.........with me?"

Enjolras looked away before rubbing his nose,

"No...No."

Grantaire nodded,

"Sorry. Didn't mean....I'm not....it's okay."

"I want to. I want to....with you."

Grantaire blushed and looked away,

"Good that's....good to hear."

Enjolras chuckled and looked around,

"Well I made that suitable awkward."

Grantaire looked at him for a moment before laughing.

"Come on. I wanna show you something."

"Steady on."

"Shut it."

Enjolras laughed again and followed Grantaire into the bedroom. Grantaire sat on the bed and picked up his laptop,

"I've been doing research- you can sit by the way- I've been looking up memory loss and ways to help."

Enjolras shrugged his jacket off and sat beside Grantaire; bumping his thigh and smirking when Grantaire simply moved closer.

"What'd you find?"

Grantaire turned the screen toward him,

"I found this blog by this woman whose husband had a car crash and forgot everything, their wedding, and their kids even. And she said that looking at pictures did nothing but music helped. She'd play their wedding song and things like that and one day he remembered their first date. Now he remembers about fifty per cent of their life."

"Cool."

"Yeah, so I downloaded some of our songs and...I thought you might wanna listen?"

Enjolras shrugged,

"Can't hurt."

Grantaire smiled and opened the pulled up his iTunes.

"How about this one?"

He pressed play and the room filled with the song.

"John Mayer."

"Yeah.....you recognise it?"

"As a song? Yeah.....but no memories yet."

"Close your eyes."

Enjolras closed them and Grantaire placed the laptop on the bed behind them.

_"My dear we're slow dancing in a burning room..."_

Grantaire chewed his lip,

"Anything?"

Enjolras shook his head,

"Sorry. I remember the song but.....no."

He opened his eyes slowly,

"Did we listen to it a lot?"

Grantaire shook his head,

"No. No we just.....you found it and sent it to me and we...let’s try another one."

Enjolras closed his eyes again as Grantaire skipped the song. Another started playing and Enjolras frowned.

"We liked this song?"

"Sort of. It was everywhere when we first started dating and it just became one of ours."

"Sounds like a song you'd fuck to."

Grantaire pursed his lips and looked at the floor,

"Grantaire?"

Enjolras looked at him and grinned,

"We did it to this song didn’t we?"

"No. Maybe. Shut up let's try another one."

Enjolras smirked,

"Is it another sex song?"

"Not exactly."

"So that's a yes."

"No...Really this one is.....different."

He pressed play and the song started. Enjolras looked at Grantaire and opened his mouth before shaking his head,

"What? What is it?"

Enjolras scratched his head,

"I don't....I don't know it's weird....familiar."

"You remember anything?"

"No...Not properly but just....Agh I don't know....purple."

"Purple?"

"Yeah. It makes me think of purple."

Grantaire frowned then jumped up,

"Purple?"

Enjolras started,

"Are you alright?"

Grantaire ran to the closet and rifled through the clothes. He pulled a jumper out and held it up,

"This kind of purple?"

Enjolras looked at it,

"Yeah. Yeah that one exactly actually."

Grantaire grinned,

"What? Grantaire what?"

"I was wearing this when we first listened to this song. We were hanging out and it was cold and I was wearing it. You said you liked it. So....I wore it a lot."

Enjolras jumped up and walked over to him; wrapping his arms around him he kissed him again.

"I love it."

"You remembered the jumper."

"I remembered the colour. Don't get too excited."

"But you remembered. You did."

He tapped Enjolras' forehead,

"I'm still in there."

"I have no doubt."

Grantaire grinned again and Enjolras laughed,

"You're so beautiful when you smile."

"Oh shut up you flirt."

Grantaire pulled him in and kissed him again; dropping the jumper to the floor.

 

"What else?"

Grantaire shifted on the bed and tucked his arm under his head,

"Well....we didn't go on many dates. Not traditional ones anyway. Took you paintballing once."

"Really?"

"Yeah you hated it. You enjoyed the use of the hotel hot tub though."

"I want a hot tub."

"You said that."

Enjolras laughed,

"What else?"

"Jeez Enjolras you don't want much do you?"

Enjolras paused for a moment.

"I want everything Grantaire. I want the memories you have of us. I want the....bloody song."

Grantaire looked at him before leaning in and kissing him gently. Enjolras caressed his face,

"There's a world inside your eyes Grantaire. A world I long to be a part of. If I could have chosen....you would be the one thing I remember."

Grantaire blinked; sending a tear onto Enjolras' hand.

"Ohh Grantaire. My hero."

Grantaire sniffed before turning away and climbing from the bed.

"Ahh shit. Sorry. Didn't mean to burst into tears."

Enjolras climbed up and walked over to him.

"Hey....I'm sorry if I upset you."

"You didn't. You didn't. It's just...nothing...nothing."

"Hey. Grantaire come on. I might not remember everything but I know when something's bothering you."

Grantaire looked at him for a long moment,

"I don't even know."

He laughed,

"I don't know why I'm crying."

He wiped his eyes,

"I don't know anything anymore Enjolras."

Enjolras smiled at him and put his arms out; Grantaire went to him and hugged him. He put his face in Enjolras' chest and breathed in deeply.

"You smelling me?"

"Mmm I love it."

"What do I smell like?"

Grantaire smiled lifted his head and smiled against his throat,

"Home."

 

"Guys guys guys come on. Last chance to decide or we're going for Mario Kart again."

Enjolras crossed his legs and smiled at his friends as they fought over the controls. He rubbed his head and watched Grantaire as he talked animatedly with Joly. Jehan walked in from the kitchen,

"Making drinks by the way. Who wants in?"

The others started yelling back to him; somewhat covered by Bahorel shouting;

"We are not children!"

Only to then nod when he was asked if he wanted one. Enjolras chuckled before grabbing Jehans arm,

"When you do Grantaire’s don’t put the gin in first. Its tonic then gin. Grantaire has it that way. Personally I think it tastes the same but he says it mixes weird."

Jehan looked at him strangely and Enjolras looked around; suddenly aware that the room had fallen silent.

"What?"

Grantaire was staring at him,

"You...I haven't told you that."

"Yeah you have....I'm sure you....oh. OH!"

Grantaire broke into laughter,

"You remembered!"

Enjolras jumped up,

"I remembered!"

Grantaire clambered over to him and wrapped his arms around his neck; kissing his face all over.

"You remembered...."

"Is that the first time?"

Enjolras looked over to Joly,

"Yeah. I mean kind of. I remember random bits and pieces....but..."

"He remembered me."

"Sort of Grantaire don't get too excited. And it's not remembering exactly I just...knew. I knew it."

Joly moved Grantaire out of the way and held Enjolras' head to look into his eyes,

"Have you had anymore flashbacks? Or headaches? I wanna take you in for another scan. See what's going on in there."

"Joly I'm fine. There's been no change in headaches or- get off me- memories. I'm sorry to disappoint you all but I don't remember the last two years."

Grantaire looked at him for a second,

"Sorry guys. We're gonna skip the Mario Kart."

Enjolras frowned,

"Why?"

"We need a chat. Now."

"Oh....okay."

Grantaire gripped his hand and pulled him from the apartment; ignoring the wolf whistles and shouts from the others.

 

"Grantaire stop. Stop."

"I don't want to stop."

He wrapped his arms around Enjolras' neck again and kissed him,

"I don't want to ever stop because you remembered. No you didn't remember you just knew. You knew. I'm still in there. And you're going to remember. You are. You'll remember and we'll get it back."

"You're so sure."

"I've never been surer of anything. I love you. I love you and in there somewhere you love me."

"I do."

Grantaire grinned again and kissed him.

"Was this the chat?"

"Hmm?"

"You said we needed to chat. Was this the chat?"

"Why? Wanna go back to the gang?"

"I was thinking back to mine?"

Enjolras gripped Grantaire’s jacket tightly and lowered his voice,

"They won't be back for hours."

"Enjolras....are you propositioning me?"

"If I am?"

Grantaire looked around and smirked,

"Got your keys?"

"Pocket."

"Let's go."

Enjolras smiled and pressed a last kiss to Grantaire’s lips before leading him down the street.

 

Enjolras' shirt hit the wall and landed in a heap on the floor,

"Careful. You nearly knocked the picture over."

"Sorry sorry. Just...need to get you out of these layers."

"There are two."

"Two too many."

Enjolras chuckled against his lips and kissed him again; his fingers working Grantaire’s belt buckle.

"Don't stop me this time."

Grantaire shook his head and tangled his fingers in Enjolras' hair.

"I want you so much. So damn much."

"You have no idea."

He pulled the belt from Grantaire’s jeans and threw it behind his shoulder; laughing as it hit the door. He helped Grantaire out of his shirt and pushed him up against the wall to attack his throat,

"Ohhh god. Don't do that."

Enjolras chuckled against his skin,

"I love how it drives you crrrrrazy."

"You. You drive me crazy."

Enjolras pulled away and ran his hands through Grantaire’s hair,

"Shall we take a break?"

Grantaire frowned,

"Don't you dare."

He grabbed Enjolras by the back of the neck and pulled him down to another kiss.

"Mmph bedroom. Bedroom."

Grantaire nodded and stepped backwards; pulling Enjolras with him. They walked back to the bedroom and fell on to the bed with a laugh. Enjolras straddled Grantaire and undid his own jeans,

"I'm presuming here that this is the usual order of things?"

"Pardon?"

"Well I might not remember much but I know what I want and right now what I want is to ride you for all I'm worth."

Grantaire swallowed hard and nodded,

"Works for me."

Enjolras bent down and kissed him,

"Thank fuck for that. Could've been awkward."

Grantaire burst into laughter and rolled them over. He looked down at Enjolras and grinned;

"Although I suppose...this is sort of our first time. I should make it special."

"Special like....?"

"I don't know Enjolras. Flowers? Music? Should I lay you by a fire before taking you roughly on the carpet?"

Enjolras bucked his hips and Grantaire chuckled,

"You like that idea."

"I think it was the taking me roughly."

"In a barn?"

"What?"

"Never mind."

Enjolras brushed the curls from Grantaire’s face and moved his legs up his waist,

"Come on then stud."

Grantaire kissed him hard before piling away and rolling off him enough to remove his shoes and jeans. Enjolras followed suit and moments later they were naked and breathing heavily between heated kisses.

"Do you have any stuff?"

"Stuff?"

"Come on Enjolras."

"Mm mm bedside."

Grantaire nodded and pulled away to open the drawers; Enjolras looked over at him and cupped himself. Grantaire turned back to him and smirked,

"Eager huh?"

Enjolras grabbed his waist and pulled him close.

"Fuck me. Now."

Grantaire ran one hand through Enjolras' hair before leaning in to kiss him; Enjolras wrapped his arms around Grantaire’s neck as he dropped his hands to open the bottle of lube and squeeze some onto his fingers.

"You sure about this?"

"Yeah. Yeah go."

Grantaire nodded and pressed their lips together as his finger pressed inside Enjolras.

"Mmph fuck."

"You okay?"

Enjolras nodded and kissed him again. Grantaire took a moment then pulled away slightly,

"I need to hear you-"

"Keep going. Please."

Grantaire smiled and pressed his finger in further before pulling it out slowly.

"Mmmmm come on."

Grantaire removed his finger and moved closer before returning it; pressing it in and curling it as best he could. He pulled it out again and returned with two. Enjolras gripped his shoulder and bit down on his lip,

"You alright?"

"Yeah. Yeah don't stop."

Grantaire swallowed and began thrusting his fingers in and out quickly. Enjolras pressed their foreheads together and moaned; rocking back onto Grantaire’s fingers before pushing him back. He groaned at the loss as Grantaire moved his hand away,

"What's wrong?"

Enjolras smirked,

"It's not enough."

"Oh...you want me to..."

He turned around and pushed his face into the pillow,

"More. Now."

Grantaire bit his lip and positioned himself behind Enjolras. He pushed his fingers back inside; thrusting them twice before removing them and pushing in three.

"Ohhh fuck."

Grantaire curled his fingers and thrust them fast. Enjolras moaned into the pillow and gripped the sheets tightly.

"You ready for me?"

"Yes. Yes. God yes."

Grantaire leant down and kissed his back,

"Roll over."

Enjolras looked over his shoulder,

"Not like this?"

"Hell no I wanna see you."

Enjolras grinned and rolled onto his back. He stroked himself lazily as he watched Grantaire unwrap the condom.

"Watch you don't get too close."

Enjolras bit his lip and let go of himself to reach out for Grantaire.

"Come here."

Grantaire finished rolling the condom on and positioned himself above Enjolras who wrapped his legs around his waist and tangled his fingers in his hair. Grantaire took a breath,

"You ready? Absolutely sure you want this? You can still back out I won't be mad."

Enjolras huffed,

"I'm sure. I'm sure. I want you. I want this. Do I need to get it tattooed on me chest?"

"That could be hot..."

"Fuck me Grantaire or I will fuck you...up."

Grantaire dropped down and kissed him; holding himself up with one hand as he used the other to help push in. Enjolras gasped and tightened his grip in Grantaire’s hair. He wrapped his legs tightly around the man; pulling him in deeper.

"Ah....ah fuck..."

Grantaire propped himself up and began to thrust hard. Enjolras threw his head back and scrunched his face,

"Christ...."

"Slow down?"

Enjolras chuckled and gripped his shoulder,

"Don't you dare."

Grantaire moved his hips slightly and began to pound into the man beneath him. The room filled with the sound of skin slapping skin and Enjolras moaning freely,

"Grantaire Grantaire fuck...slow down."

Grantaire thrust in deeply and stilled,

"Hurt you?"

"Too close."

Grantaire began thrusting again and Enjolras groaned and covered his mouth with his hand to keep and shouts in as Grantaire wrapped one hand around him and stroked him in time with his hips.

"Come for me. Come for me."

Enjolras arched forward and gasped out Grantaire’s name as he came over his stomach and chest.

"Fuck fuck fuck."

Grantaire pushed him away and pulled out, he ripped the condom off and jerked himself twice before his own orgasm took over and he covered Enjolras' release with his own. He groaned again and then collapsed on top of the panting Enjolras.

"Well I won't forget that one."

Grantaire chuckled and lifted his head.

"You alright?"

Enjolras gripped Grantaire and rolled them over before kissing him,

"It was amazing."

"You're amazing."

Enjolras brushed their noses together and kissed him again.

"Tell me again."

"What?"

Enjolras shifted down and rested his head on Grantaire’s chest,

"Tell me you love me."

Grantaire smiled and trailed his fingers down Enjolras' back,

"To the moon and back. To the end of time. I love you."

 

_Enjolras pushed through the crowd; the noise was deafening. He pushed through to where the fight had started. Grabbing the stranger by the arm he pulled her free,_

_"Get out of here. It's dangerous."_

_The girl stumbled away and ran off. Enjolras turned back to the fight and was about to jump in and break up the culprits when there was a sickening crack. Enjolras fell to his knees feeling dazed. He turned his head and looked up at the sight of the man holding the bat. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. The man swung the bat again and everything went black._

 

Enjolras screamed, throwing the covers back and tried to escape the bed. He landed on the floor and screamed again; his hands covering his head as he waited for the next blow. Grantaire leapt from the bed and ran to him, he wrapped his arms around him and held him,

"It's okay. You're okay. You're okay."

Enjolras shook so much it crossed Grantaire’s mind to check it wasn’t a seizure.

"It was a dream. Just a dream. You're safe. You're safe."

Enjolras gasped; his sobs coming fast as he clung to Grantaire,

"I remembered. I remembered."

Grantaire held him tightly against his chest and kissed his head,

"It's okay. It's all okay."

"I remembered it Grantaire."

 


	3. Chapter 3

Enjolras stared down at his mug and took a deep breath. Grantaire reached over the table and covered his hands with his own,

"You wanna talk about it?"

Enjolras shook his head,

"No....not really."

Grantaire gripped his hands and watched him for a moment.

"Can I do anything?"

Enjolras shook his head then pulled his hand from Grantaire’s grip; he covered his face and sobbed. Grantaire jumped up and ran round to him. He pulled the man to his chest and wrapped his arms around him.

"I'm sorry."

Enjolras pulled away and cleared his throat,

"I'm sorry. Sorry. Don't mean to uh..."

He sniffed hard and shook his head,

"I'm fine. I'm fine."

"Enjolras...."

Enjolras stood up and ran his hands through his hair,

"I'm fine."

Grantaire frowned before leaning against the table,

"No you're not. Look at you. You're a state."

Enjolras rubbed his nose,

"I'm not a child. I had a bad dream."

"You remembered. You remembered the most traumatic thing that has probably ever happened to you. I don't blame you for freaking out."

Enjolras looked at him,

"I am not freaking out."

"You're shaking."

Enjolras looked at his hands,

"It's cold."

"Enjolras."

"No..."

His voice cracked and Grantaire went to him,

"No....I need to be stronger than this."

"Says who?"

"Grantaire please!"

The desperation in his voice made Grantaire’s heart skip a beat and he grabbed Enjolras. He pulled him into a hug and held him tightly,

"I'm right here. I'm not letting go. I promise."

Enjolras gripped him tightly; burying his face in the man’s shoulder as he sobbed.

 

Enjolras closed his eyes and turned his head so it was resting against Grantaire’s chest,

"Tell me something."

"What?"

"A happy time."

Enjolras gripped his hand,

"I wanna feel happy."

Grantaire ran his fingers through his hair slowly,

"Okay....let’s see...about a year ago we had a huge storm. Do you remember the storm?"

Enjolras shook his head,

"No...No I don't."

Grantaire smiled,

"Well it was a doozy. All the power went out and no one could travel. It was insane."

"This is a happy story?"

"I'm getting there."

"Anyway we had this storm and you came round and you were soaked. You looked like you had drowned and I was so confused as to why you'd even venture out in that weather and you told me that you wanted to see me and it wasn't raining that hard anyway. So anyway you came in and you changed and we got under blankets and had coffee then all the lights gave up and we were in pitch black-"

"This doesn't sound happy."

"Will you just let me finish?"

"Sorry."

"Anyway. We were in this dark house and we couldn't stop laughing. So we got candles and we lit like a thousand of them and sat on the floor under blankets and I......just knew."

Enjolras opened his eyes and propped himself up to look at Grantaire,

"Knew what?"

Grantaire caressed his face,

"Knew that you were the person I wanted to spend every power cut with."

Enjolras pressed his face into Grantaire’s neck and smiled,

"That's ridiculously romantic."

Grantaire smiled,

"Didn't like my story?"

"I loved it."

He kissed Grantaire’s throat and sighed.

"You tired?"

"Yeah."

"Wanna go back to bed?"

Enjolras shook his head,

"I don't wanna go back to sleep and have....I don't wanna remember again."

"You wanna watch something instead?"

Enjolras yawned,

"Sure, you pick."

"Citizen Kane it is."

Enjolras laughed,

"You put that movie on and it'll be the last thing you do."

"Still not a fan then?"

"Fuck no. Two hours of my life I'm never getting back."

Grantaire laughed and kissed his head; Enjolras propped himself up and looked down at him,

"Think I'll ever get it back?"

"Get what back?"

"This....my memories. Us."

"Maybe. I mean you're remembering little things. Who knows maybe one day it'll all come flooding back to you."

"I hope so."

Grantaire ran his fingers through Enjolras' hair as he went through the channels trying to find anything to watch. Settling finally on a news programme he settled back further into the couch and smiled to himself.

 

"Three more."

Enjolras sighed and sat forward; he picked up the paperclips and dropped them into the cup. The nurse smiled broadly,

"Great job! See? I told you it would get better."

"Hmm."

"Wanna maybe try writing today?"

"No. Not really."

The nurse sat back in her chair,

"Why don't you wanna write?"

Enjolras rubbed his neck,

"I mean Is this not demeaning enough?"

"You're angry today."

Enjolras slammed his fist down on the table,

"Damn right I'm fucking angry. I'm in this shit hole thanks to some motherfucker with a bat. My life is now down to picking up goddamn paperclips and getting a pat on the back for writing my FUCKING NAME."

The nurse raised her eyebrows,

"Are you finished?"

Enjolras ran his hands through his hair and nodded,

"Yeah. I think so."

"Good. Now pick up the pen."

Enjolras looked at her for a moment before picking it up and reaching for a piece of paper.

"What you just said. What you feel inside; that anger. That hate. Write it down. Write it all down."

"What good will that do?"

"It'll get it out for one thing."

"What if I don't want it out?"

"You wanna keep it locked in? Coming out like that?"

"....no."

"Then write it down."

Enjolras took a breath and began to write; his handwriting was shaky and at one point he was so angry he had to step away from the table. The nurse watched him before putting a hand on his.

"You feel better?"

Enjolras looked down at the pages before him and nodded,

"Yeah. Oddly."

"Good. Now I want you to write down one thing that makes it better. One thing that makes you think that the world isn't such a terrible place. Can you do that?"

"Like what?"

"Well some people write 'friends' or 'colours' or their children's names. Anything that comes to mind."

Enjolras took a few moments before writing down a single word. The nurse smiled at him,

"See?"

"Yeah. Yeah I see. Sorry I yelled."

"No need to apologise."

Enjolras nodded again and looked down at his papers. The nurse rubbed her thumb over his hand,

"So what's the word?"

"Excuse me?"

"That helped you?"

"Oh....here."

He handed the nurse the paper, she took it with a smile and read the word out.

"Grantaire."

Enjolras smiled to himself and nodded,

"Grantaire."

 

Grantaire looked up from the paper and smiled,

"You took your time."

"Takes time to look this good."

"You know I think the bump on your head knocked a sense of humour in there."

"Nice."

Grantaire laughed and folded the paper before standing up,

"So I heard a rumour that you have an empty apartment."

"You heard correctly."

"Shouldn't we do something about that?"

"Why bother when your place is just as comfy and just as empty?"

Grantaire smirked and pulled Enjolras close to kiss him.

"How was therapy?"

"Such a good way to turn me on."

"Come on. How was it?"

Enjolras sighed and tucked a curl behind Grantaire’s ear,

"It was...fine. It was fine. Glad it's over though."

"Did they talk to you about...the dreams?"

"No. But that's probably because I didn't tell them."

"Enjolras..."

"I didn't want to. I wasn’t ready. I'd rather just talk to you."

Grantaire put a hand to Enjolras' cheek and nodded,

"And you know I'll listen. It's just...they're trained professionals and I-"

"Understand better than they ever could."

Grantaire watched him for a moment. Enjolras took the opportunity to lean in and kiss him,

"Please don't make me talk about it yet."

"Okay. Okay I won't. But soon..."

"I know. Soon we will. But not tonight."

"Not tonight."

"Tonight we relax."

"I have some movies. Thought maybe they'd help generate some memories- or at the very least make you chuckle."

"You have a free house and you want me to watch movies?"

"Well I...I mean I won't cross out the chance of kisses happening."

"Kisses?"

"Maybe lots of kisses."

"Maybe more?"

"You're a horn dog."

Enjolras chuckled,

"Wasn't I always?"

"Well...yeah."

Enjolras leaned in again until their lips were barely touching;

"It must be something about you then."

"Must be."

Grantaire smirked before kissing him properly.

 

Enjolras ran his fingers over Grantaire’s forearm and smiled to himself,

"Part of me hopes I never remember."

Grantaire propped his head on Enjolras' chest,

"Why's that?"

Enjolras ran fingers through Grantaire’s curls,

"Because I'm so happy in this moment. In this exact moment. And I don't think any memory will be able to top that."

Grantaire pulled himself up and kissed him,

"I think the orgasm went to your head a bit there love."

Enjolras chuckled,

"No...Well maybe...it was very good."

"Thank you."

Enjolras smiled and sank into the pillows,

"You're so much more though. You're my anchor Grantaire. I don't know if I could get through this without you."

Grantaire sat up; straddling the man with a grin,

"I'm sure you could. You're the strongest person I know."

"Am I? I don't feel all the strong right now."

Grantaire caressed his face gently,

"You are though. If I could explain that...I would. But you are. You're my hero Enjolras."

Enjolras swallowed as tears sprung to his eyes,

"Ah shit."

He covered his face and Grantaire laughed before pulling his hands away and kissing him,

"Don't hide from me."

Enjolras wrapped his arms around Grantaire and pressed his face into his neck. He murmured something and Grantaire pulled away,

"What?"

Enjolras looked at him for a moment,

"I said...I love you."

Grantaire opened his mouth then closed it again.

"Oh...shit."

Enjolras froze for a moment before Grantaire kissed him again,

"I love you too. Idiot."

"Were you always this mean?"

"Yes. Problem?"

"No sir."

"That's my boy."

Enjolras laughed before kissing him again.

 

The first one came in the middle of the night. Enjolras woke suddenly and lay in bed for ten minutes before reaching for his phone. Grantaire answered on the fourth ring,

"Hello?"

His voice was croaky and Enjolras felt bad for waking him,

"Sorry for waking you."

"Don't worry. You okay?"

"Yeah....yeah uhm...can I ask you something?"

"Sure. What's up?"

Enjolras ran a hand through his hair,

"When we...I asked you out and you didn't answer me. You ran away and you...but then you came back and you said yes like twenty times and I kissed you....and you said it wasn't our first kiss that doesn't count and our first kiss would be better."

Grantaire was silent on the end of the phone and Enjolras stopped,

"Grantaire?"

"You remember that?"

"I had a dream. Was it true?"

Grantaire cleared his throat,

"I know its super late but can I come over?"

"Yeah. Yeah of course....was it true?"

"I'll be five minutes."

Enjolras chuckled,

"Grantaire tell me!"

The phone went dead and Enjolras fell back into the pillows with a grin.

 

The doorbell rang and Enjolras ran to answer it. Grantaire stood before him with his hand against his ribs and panting heavily,

"Oh my god are you okay?"

"I...ran...here..."

"Why?"

Grantaire stood up and pulled Enjolras in to kiss him,

"It's true. It's true."

"Yeah?"

Grantaire nodded and kissed him again,

"You remembered."

Enjolras smiled at him.

"And it was? Our first kiss was good?"

"So good. The best. The best first kiss. I love you so much."

"I love you too. I love you too."

 

"Favourite colour?"

"Today? Blue. Tomorrow? Who knows?"

Enjolras smirked,

"Your favourite colour changes?"

Grantaire turned and propped himself up on his elbow,

"It does when I'm in a daze following three-"

He held up his fingers,

"Count it three mind blowing orgasms."

Enjolras bit his lip and shrugged,

"What can I say? I'm gifted."

"Gift of the gab?"

"Is that a pun?"

Grantaire laughed and leaned in to kiss him,

"I think I wanna kiss you forever."

"I think I wanna let you."

Grantaire looked at him for a moment then dropped his gaze,

"What's wrong?"

Grantaire looked at him again,

"If you remember everything and there are...things you don't like about me...please...don't leave."

Enjolras broke into a grin and pulled Grantaire over so fast he fell into his arms with a groan,

"Unless I remember you've done something unspeakable I think we'll be okay."

Grantaire rolled over until he was straddling Enjolras and grinned,

"Promise?"

"Absolutely promise."

He held his hand up,

"Pinky promise."

Enjolras hooked their little fingers before pulling them to his lips and pressing a kiss against Grantaire’s,

"Pinky promise."

"I can't believe you just did that. What a dork."

He climbed from Enjolras and headed to the kitchen,

"Massive dork!"

Enjolras threw a pillow at him and laughed. He lay back in the bed and sighed happily. He listened to Grantaire in the kitchen and climbed from the bed. He stood in the doorway and watched the man as he made a drink. He started to turn round to ask Enjolras a question,

"Hey Enjolras you want-JESUS."

He started at the sight of Enjolras leaning against the doorframe,

"Make some goddamn noise."

"Sorry."

"I'm gonna get you a bell. At least that way I can't lose you when we're out."

His smile faded as he saw the look on Enjolras' face. Grantaire ran to him and cupped his face,

"Enjolras? What's wrong?"

"I don't...I don't know. I think I remember..."

"What? What?"

His eyes searched Grantaire’s face as he tried to bring the memory up in his mind. He closed his eyes and gripped Grantaire’s shoulder,

"I can't lose you. I can't...lose you."

He opened his eyes and shook his head. Grantaire felt the panic rise in his chest,

"Enjolras..."

His voice was barely above a whisper when he spoke,

"I thought you were asleep. I'm so sorry. I thought you were asleep."

Grantaire frowned and stroked Enjolras' hair,

"Let’s get some clothes on okay?"

Enjolras nodded and let Grantaire lead him back into the bedroom,

"I ruined the night."

"Shh no you didn't."

Grantaire passed him some underwear and pulled his own on before reaching for two t-shirts.

"Here."

He watched Enjolras pull the shirt on and sit on the bed. He took a breath then knelt down in front of him.

"Enjolras?"

"Did you do something? You weren't there. I mean. I mean you were but you weren't. And there was crying. Somebody was crying. And I thought...I thought you were asleep."

Grantaire took his hands,

"I think....you remembered what happened when you were attacked. I-"

He took a deep breath,

"Okay. I got to you and I was shouting and...And crying and I held you and I said those things. I said "please...please don't leave me. I can't lose you."

Enjolras watched his face,

"So I didn't nearly lose you? You didn't want to go?"

Grantaire put a hand to Enjolras' face,

"Oh sweetheart. I never want to leave you. Never. I swear to god. Never."

Enjolras nodded,

"I keep ruining the mood."

Grantaire smiled to himself,

"Believe me you don't."

Enjolras smirked,

"You're always there aren't you?"

Grantaire shrugged,

"Only if you let me be."

Enjolras nodded and put a hand over the one against his cheek,

"Come to bed?"

Grantaire nodded and stood up; pressing a kiss to his forehead before climbing back under the sheets and taking Enjolras into his arms once more.

 

"Come over."

"I can't I told you I have to finish this painting."

"Just hand it in half done and say its modern art."

Grantaire chuckled down the phone,

"I wish I could but they’re paying me good money."

"Fine. I'll carry on reading then."

"How was therapy today?"

"Boring. Slow. But hey I'm a master of paperclips. I can now get a job in any office."

"Nice."

"Yeah I thought so. Alright I'm gonna let you go and I'll call you later okay?"

"Okay. I'll come over before midnight and kiss you goodnight."

"Charmer."

"I love you."

"Love you too. Bye."

"Bye."

Enjolras hung up the phone and sat back on the sofa. He smiled to himself and rubbed his face before dialling another number.

"Hey Courf. You doing anything tonight?"

"Not that I'm aware of. What's up?"

"You wanna have dinner?"

"Boyfriend busy is he?"

"Ha-ha come see me I'm bored."

"Alright gimme like an hour. I gotta finish up this essay."

"Okay cool. See you later."

"Bye."

Enjolras hung up the phone and dropped it on the table before shifting on the sofa so he could lie down and closing his eyes.

 

_“Grantaire? I need to talk to you. This isn’t working. It’s not you…fuck no can’t say that. It’s nothing you did. I just don’t think I love you the way you love me. I have nothing to offer you. You’re….a better person than I am. I’m sorry. Sorry. I’m sorry Grantaire”_

The knock on the door woke Enjolras up with a start. The words still played in his head, ringing like a bell as he walked to the door. He shook his head to try and clear it and opened the door. Courfeyrac stood before him with a grin on his face and bag in his hands,

“Try not to lose your mind with excitement but I have Scrabble.”

“Uhm…yay?”

Courfeyrac clapped his arm and laughed,

“Good man. Lets order food.”

Enjolras stepped aside and let him in with a chuckle before closing the door and sighing.

 

Enjolras yawned as he opened the door to Grantaire. Grantaire smirked,

"Nice reaction to seeing me."

"Oh sorry. Courf just left. He had me playing board games. Something about stimulating parts of the brain I don't know, come in."

Grantaire stepped inside and closed the door behind himself before grabbing for Enjolras and kissing him. Enjolras smiled into the kiss and pushed him up against the closed door.

"Mmm how's the painting?"

"Really? That's what you're thinking about right now?"

Enjolras grinned and kissed him again before he pulled away and pulled Grantaire over to the sofa.

"Paintings fine. Almost finished."

Enjolras smiled and took the man’s hand,

"I had a nap earlier."

Grantaire raised an eyebrow,

"Okay?"

"Dreamed about you."

"Aw you did? Was it dirty?"

Enjolras laughed,

"No. Not this time."

Grantaire lifted their clasped hands and kissed Enjolras',

"So what was the dream?"

Enjolras shrugged,

"Just about you."

Grantaire smiled at him,

"Good ones I hope?"

"Of course."

Grantaire sighed happily and sat back in the cushions. Enjolras told him of his dream where they walked through a park then paused,

"Oh I wanted to ask something."

"Go ahead."

"How did we get back together?"

Grantaire sat up,

"What are you talking about?"

"After we broke up last winter."

"We didn't break up last winter."

"Yeah we did. I remember. I walked to your place and it was snowing and I kept telling myself it was the right thing to do. But I don't remember actually doing it...but then we must have gotten back together."

He looked at Grantaire who had fallen silent. His eyes were wide with shock and he was clenching his jaw.

"Grantaire...?"

"You were gonna break up with me?"

"I...you know what I'm probably remembering it wrong."

"You came to my place and you said we had to talk but I was upset about something so you said it didn't matter-you were gonna dump me. You didn't because I was crying and you...felt sorry for me."

"No no no I...I don't know why I thought it. Fuck. I shouldn't have said anything. You know I don't wanna break up with you."

"But you did. Obviously there was something so wrong with our relationship that you wanted to end things which means more than likely it’s still there."

"I'm not...I'm not that person anymore please."

Grantaire stood up and Enjolras followed, he tried to grab Grantaire’s arm,

"Grantaire I'm...I'm not gonna...I probably got it wrong. I got it wrong. Please."

"I know that you don't remember us. I know you started again with this whole thing but you're gonna get those back. And right now I can't...deal with the fact that you might think those things again."

"Grantaire stop. STOP."

He grabbed Grantaire’s shoulders,

"I don't understand. I don't understand what the fuck I just did. I don't want you to go."

Grantaire gripped his shirt and nodded,

"I know. I know I'm sorry."

“Make it go back. Make it different. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t mean to say anything.”

“I know. It’s okay.”

He kissed Enjolras' forehead,

"I have to go. I have...work."

"Grantaire stop."

Grantaire waved him off,

"I'll...I'll talk to you later."

"Grantaire wait-"

Grantaire let the door slam behind him and Enjolras clutched his stomach and gasped,

"I love you."


End file.
